Conflict is inevitable. How we respond to it, though, is what sets us apart.

For many of us—myself included—conflict stirs up a whirlwind of emotions: fear, frustration, anxiety, and anger. If left unchecked, these emotions can overwhelm our ability to think clearly, clouding our judgment and sometimes even escalating into rage.

But here’s the good news: conflict doesn’t have to be destructive. It can be generative if we understand the forces that escalate it—starting with anger.

The Impact of Anger in the Workplace

Let’s be real—work can be frustrating. You’ve got deadlines, expectations, and then there’s that one team member who just doesn’t seem to get it, no matter how many times you’ve explained it. You know the feeling: that surge of frustration that starts in your gut and builds until you just want to scream, “Why can’t they get it right?!”

Here’s the thing: when anger takes over, it doesn’t just drive us crazy—it drives our communication and relationships off a cliff. Anger clouds our judgment, makes us more critical, less patient, and way more likely to say or do something we’ll regret later.

When anger leads, it can turn a manageable situation into a full-blown conflict. And not the kind where something productive comes out of it—I’m talking about destructive conflict, where communication breaks down, people shut down, and everyone’s just fighting to prove they’re right. Sound familiar?

Shifting from Destructive to Productive Conflict

Here’s the good news: not all conflict has to be destructive. In fact, conflict can be an opportunity for growth, innovation, and stronger relationships—if we approach it the right way. This is what’s known as generative conflict, where the focus is on creating something positive out of disagreement.

So, how do we make that shift? Some say it starts with communication. I say, let’s start by dissecting your anger because anger has a way of distorting our perspective, making us more critical, less patient, and often more confrontational.

In a high-stress work environment, emotions can run high, and anger is often one of the most pervasive and destructive forces at play. When anger is allowed to fester, it creates a toxic environment. Instead of resolving issues, we build walls, isolate team members, and even rally others to share in our frustration. This doesn’t just damage relationships; it can severely impact the overall health and productivity of the workplace.

So, what causes anger? Often, it’s a sense of powerlessness.

Maybe you’ve had a micromanager watching your every move, or someone who criticizes everything you do. You present your work, and instead of noticing the effort you put into it, they point out a minor flaw, like your text alignment. Or perhaps you’ve dealt with managers who never ask for your input, or worse, ask but then disregard it, leaving you feeling unheard and unseen.

On the flip side, maybe you’re the manager dealing with an underperforming employee who never seems to meet deadlines or produce quality work, no matter how many times you’ve reviewed the assignment with them. When they have every excuse in the book, you feel helpless.

No matter what you do, nothing seems to work, and your frustration builds into anger. If you’re like me, you can feel that emotion rising from your stomach, into your throat, and then out of your mouth—suppressing any rational thought from dictating your actions.

Before you know it, you’ve said something you immediately regret. What do you do now?

Let’s Take a PAUSE

You’ve probably heard of the 10-second rule: when you feel frustrated or angry, count to 10 before you do anything else. For me, 10 seconds isn’t always enough time to calm down and think rationally.

That’s why I created the conflict resolution framework called P.A.U.S.E.

My framework doesn’t dictate 10 seconds or even 10 minutes because everyone and every situation is different. It just says to P.A.U.S.E.

When you P.A.U.S.E, you give yourself a moment to breathe, to intentionally step back from the immediate emotions you’re feeling, and to ground yourself in the present moment. This PAUSE is crucial because it allows you to deactivate the anger building inside you.

As you P.A.U.S.E, take deep breaths. Continue until you regain control of your thoughts.

Research shows that deep breathing activates your parasympathetic nervous system, signaling to your brain that you’re safe. It helps move you away from your fight, flight, or freeze response and gets more oxygen to the thinking part of your brain.

Essentially, you’re creating space to really hear what the other person is saying, to understand their perspective, and to respond in a way that moves the conversation forward. PAUSING isn’t about giving in or stepping down; it’s about regaining control over the conversation. It ensures your response is measured, thoughtful, and geared towards finding a solution rather than escalating the conflict.

This is why the first step in my conflict resolution system is to pause. After you pause, you’ll be ready to move onto the next step, which I share more about in my podcast, Being Unapologetically Authentic.

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Until next time!