Co-Parenting versus Co-Existing

As high-achievers, we have this amazing “can do” attitude. We’re self-sufficient and rarely, if ever, do we need help to do our job because…well, quite honestly, if we want it done the right way, then we have to do it ourselves, right?

Thing is, the last couple of months have shown me that no matter how capable we are, we cannot do it alone. Even as a supermom, superwomen, or super-human, we all need a little help sometimes. Isn’t that why we have the Avengers, X-Men, and Justice League? Even superheroes come together to fight their biggest battles as a team, instead of acting alone, because as a team, we’re stronger together than as a single player in the game of life.

So, why is it that we resist asking for help when it comes to our kids (regardless of our marital status)? If we, as moms, wives, employees, managers, leaders, cooks, housekeepers, daughters, and/or sisters, found the concept of work-life balance elusive before the pandemic, how could the addition of another role (teacher) help alleviate the situation? 

This is why it is so critical that, during this time, we shift the dynamic within our home from that of co-existing to co-parenting. Even if we were able to manage our role as a mom (along with housekeeper, wife, chef and employee) before the pandemic, being home with our children and partners / spouses 24/7, has highlighted the imbalance of responsibilities that we have taken on ourselves. Meaning, we’ve been doing WAY too much, and all because we have been too afraid of rocking the already shaky boat by asking others for help.

Good news is that NOW is the perfect time to shift that imbalance of responsibilities in your household…and to shift it for good! With everyone in the house, it becomes painfully obvious where you are taking on too much. Now, as supermoms and superwomen, you may think that everything is fine … so here’s a few questions to ask yourself to gauge whether or not you’re thriving or just managing in this environment:

• When was the last time you took a quiet bath, or spent any time for yourself?
• Who do the kids instinctively go to when they need help?
• Who is doing the laundry, cleaning, cooking, and / or any other “common good” chores in the house?
• When your kids and/or partner / spouse ask you a question, or seek your attention on something, do you respond patiently or do you feel frustration, resentment, or stress?

Get where I’m going with this?

So, how can you create a better co-parenting balance between you and your partner / spouse? Here are a few tools that you can implement:

• Sit down and create a schedule TOGETHER to better balance the time that both of you spend on each household activity, including childcare;
• Set up “office hours” where your Outlook is blocked, and your kids will have your full attention on their questions;
• For those of you with children 4 and above, delegate household chores;
• Ask your partner / spouse to help you with the cleaning, cooking, meal prep, and/or anything else that comes up during the day….and let go of how and when he completes it; and
• Let go of the need for perfection, and just go with the flow.

For those of you who are single working moms who do not have anyone at home to help with your kids, then here are a few suggestions that can help alleviate your

• Start getting your kids more involved in household chores, including making themselves breakfast or lunch;
• Assess your work responsibilities to see if you can delegate anything else to your team;
• Ask your teammates for help at work; and
• Let go of the fear that you’re not good enough on your own! You’re doing amazing, and your kids know it too! They appreciate everything you’re doing, more so than they could ever express at this time (especially your young ones).

Question: will you continue to co-exist or do you choose to co-parent?